BOOK COVER
OCTOMOM! AMERICA’S BITCH BY J DARROLL HALL
©COPYRITE 2009
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used factitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or deceased, is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this manuscript may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or review. For information contact the author at Jdarrollhall@comcast.net
Dedicated to my children who encouraged me to write!!
You have my love and thanks for all time….
And to Terri who provided me the tools to complete it.
J Darroll Hall OCTOMOM! AMERICA’S BITCH
Prologue
It is not often in the annals of America’s vast and wonderful history that we are blessed to have such a bountiful and rewarding birth; and the after-birth that follows such a watershed gusher of emotionally diverse and controversial diatribe that seems to follow such a ‘litter’al event.
Get the hell over it naysayers! Even god himself couldn’t have shown more of a true sense of humor as when he laid Octomom at our collective doorsteps to cuddle, support, and learn about. And to love as she walks thru life with the placenta of her actions and pure spunk hanging and dragging behind her leaving a slimy trailing stench of rotting afterbirth of opinions.
Whether you feel, she is a greedy, selfish, opportunistic, self-promoting, un-motherly, and overall piece of fecal matter of a mother, and human being or not. Ya, just can’t help but watch the train wreck of a life, and existence that is unfolding before the captivated eyes of the American public, and the collective press worldwide.
Octomom is a ‘once in a lifetime’ Phenom, that you will say to friends, “had her fucking ‘fifteen’, now go the hell away!” But secretly in the confines of home and hearth, you just can’t get enough of watching the world’s longest train-wreck of a life unfold before the eyes of you, America, and the world of the world.
On this side of the fence you find the people who, want to take her by the throat and shake and squeeze until the evil in her black eyes, fade off into the bowels of Hades, where you truly believe she belongs, and is divined for; without dragging those poor little Octopups with her. You know in your heart she is a dark and evil creature, raised up to inflame the beliefs your own faith has instilled within you about just ‘plain ole, right and wrong.’
As well on this side, you have the suckerfish, (very similar to Octomom btw) who just can’t wait to take any stance, right or wrong again, just to steal away some of this creatures bright media spotlight, and then you too are basking it all its glory and weighty celebrity. (Very similar to what this writer, “Mahwah,” is doing right now!) “Can you hear me now Gloria Allred?”
If only I could ascribe or aspire to being such a good media-whore, and see the best train wreck well in advance, so as to “succubus’ that big, long and ‘uncut twenty-four hour’ media schlong. Unfortunately as a mere wordsmith, I just can’t file some dribble of crap, called, “friend of the court petition,” and instantly inject myself into the entire experience; like, “I,” of all people, just have some obligation, ordained by “god” to be the biggest fucking busybody ever created in, ‘Red’! Ah, to become such a succubus, the dream of any writer or creative mind! “Do you sense envy and admiration? Correct assumption, Grr’asshop’per!”
Our good and wonderful friend Michael, is up above dancing his proverbial ass off, while whipping his golden glitter glove, onto his girly man nuts and shouting down; “I’ll never be your gravy, train or wreck, ever again ‘red media money whore’!.. HA, ha,” he screeches, in his highest octave tenor, and prances off with the wee little ones, in tow about him, playing his pan flute, and while singing, “Beat it’... bee…auch!” Which will become his new unreleased heavenly single, due out soon on Godspank/Angle elite records, and is now Michael’s own spiritual music publishing company. He is the true King after all, and what else did you expect he might be fondling in his ‘spiritual king’dom.
On the flip side of the black, evil do Sayers, that seem to be the predominate, are the white and good. Octofans who see within this; some divinity and purpose of a little understood Hollywood god, who would choose this holy reincarnate, to spread open her holy thighs and discharge in massive post-spermatic bursts like thunderous roars, little suckling Octopup after Octopup. This holy event, not complete until eight Octopups lay scattershot about like carnage of such a godly event of biblical proportions it ordained to become. Reference: Guinness book of godly records.
What you will find in the following pages are both sides of the issue and controversy, in a clearly laid out manner for all side to see and digest and make your own informed decision, (prior to the sending Octomom to hell, or canonization) and all that makes this ‘the train wreck’ of the new millennia, so far. You will have to agree this experience laid before us will be “a gift that will keep on giving” for many generations come. Think what will happen if one Octopup, should become a new Octodad, the gift that, goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on…
CHAPTER 1
The Octoexpress official rolled into tinsel town today with a head of steam that would make a tiny toy train boast of its own prowess. This silly little ditty called “Octomom: Unseen Footage:” Debuted on Fox and its affiliates nationwide on August 19, 2009 at 8:00pm eastern time.
The over exposed and highly hyped two hour explosion landed like ten thousand defective soggy Chinese firecrackers going off underwater. The fizzle so huge, it could be heard in space, where no sound actually exists.
The reality; of this reality Octopuker is that it was nothing more than old footage and something this writer, who writes horror/mystery/suspense/thriller/chiller stories and epics, actually lose his proverbial dinner as the supposed “new footage” unfolded searing an image this writer will never forget, not even in the hereafter.
Yes it was that intense, and I must say seeing Katie Couric’s fine poop-shoot of a colon was a masterpiece compared to one fleeting glance at Octoputty*. This monstrous Octopuking vagina, has to be the most deformed budding flower of evilness ever witnessed by man.
*Octopussy was to be the proper (noun) word used; however Chubby Broccoli’s ghost began to whack me over the head, and reminding me forcefully that *Octopussy was, is and shall remain a wholly owned subsidiary, of James Bond’s Dick!
As a holder of copyrighted materials myself, I must honor the Chubette’s wishes. Besides which; he is one nasty Mo-Fo, and an evil spirit himself; scaring the B’Jezis out of my still vomiting ass. Yes, Octomom’s gapping Vage footage, had me blowing full gush from both holes.
I shall be sending my publisher a bill for both, a new keyboard and a new computer chair forthwith. Perhaps even, a switch to fine Corinthian leather is in order, now that I’m a number one bestselling author. Secondly; if Fox continues to run diatribe like this rehash, and twenty seconds of new gross-gag imagery.
I may need a waterproof menagerie of equipment and accessories, which may have to be immune from both Chubby and the horrid images I may have to watch in future episodes of the Octorealitysho.
The only acidic visual imagery that has ever come close to this was when I was dragged drunk and helpless down to Tijuana Mexico for a grand operatic spectacle called “The girl and the Donkey!” Although in an inebriated state, I found that production quite fascinating. And could not help but move around, to the chagrin of the crowd, to ever possible angle so as not to miss a single moment of the fine performances; of both the girl and the donkey.
The funny part of that show, was when the drippity drip Girly, and the now smiling and braying Donkey both took numerous bows to the thunderous road of a chanting crowd. They immediately began an encore, to the renewed roar of the crowd and the throwing of the sombreros. I assume in med-e-co this is the ultimate form of flattery to great artist, which they certainly were.
For some reason I awoke the next day with a brown arse-like taste in my mouth, which exactly resembles the taste I experience now as I write this within minutes of watching, this fresh new curd of Americana reality TV. I will report in later chapters how Octorated her debut on one of the majors was, (if you can call Fox ‘the American Idol channel’ a major network) and it will become important as to why shortly.
This writer however; was not to be dissuaded and sallied on in his duty to bring forth all the pertinent aspects of this great American train-wreck called Octomom. I’m truly disturber for life now and will be seeking disability compensation, which Octomom has sucked out of the public coffers for so many years in her own claims.
No amount of therapy can ever heal the burdening scars that now form in what was a very clever brain. Post traumatic stress disorder will follow me all the days of my life now. When I was young and stubborn I refused to mind my mother, and would go against all that she preached to me in her wisdom. Which Included looking up at the sun during eclipses, and leaving dark spots for many years in the young eyes of an idiot, me.
Again, this late in life, my now older but still wise mother; shacking her finger and informing me boldly, “You don’t want to watch that crazy woman Jackie!” My mother always used my given name, whenever she felt stupidity was to rule my day. And after cleaning a horrible mess, I must say her intuitiveness for such matters as with ‘keeping her boy safe,’ has not lost any of its ability.
My retort of; “It’s for my new book mom, watch it with me, it will be fun!” Was not taken as I had wished, my mother who has the beginnings of the big A, (he whispers “we never use the real A word”) yet she can cut right to the heart of a complicated issue like Octomom.
“Jackie we are not watching that…” and the rest I will just say was an explosion of expletives like a Tourettes disorder patient on verbal steroids. My mother comes from the old south, and women having one child without a ring on her finger and a man by her side: well there is a name for it, but I will not repeat it out of respect for the Octowhore!
But when the Octopups ‘plus six-pack already’ count goes to fourteen, and public dole money is involved, my godly mother has a hard time holding her tongue lashing between grinding and gnawing clinched teeth. The only thing to lighten this haranguing moment was when her teeth hit me squarely between the eyes in this diatribe of expletives, and left a dental impression that looked quite odd on my broad and somewhat balding forehead.
What made it even funnier was, she did not miss a single beat, and her now unsupported gums were flapping a tuba gone-bad fluttery sound, that made me laugh even harder, and making her mental state worse. That just inflamed the madness of watching the Octomom episode; “Who are the really weird ones here,” I was soon asking myself?
BONUS BOOK THE COMPLETE OCTO DICTIONARY A MUST HAVE COMPENDIUM TO, OCTOMOM: AMERICAS BITCH
Footnote: Octopussy is a wholly owned subsidiary of “James Bonds dick;” (penis, or cock when erect). Any unauthorized use, abuse, licking, tongue; lashing, or their-in inserting, whether rapid or slowly, banging, pounding, fart creating, slick/wet making, stroking, fuching, diddling, friggin, polishing, glazing, or embarrassing invasion by small penetrator, shagging, beat that, suck, share, gang-bang, and or anything else you might come up with to try, and or do to Octopussy without the express written permission of James bonds dick is strictly prohibited by law. Perpetrators who violate this law are subject to the full weight of Chubby Broccoli’s giant member attacking you unmercifully.
Critical praise
07Customer Reviews:
The stock market finally explained! July 28, 2009
finally, a financial book for the masses! Informative, creative, and written in a language anyone can understand. Mr. Hall takes the 'mystery' out of Wall Street, and gives the common "Joe", the education to make an informed decision about playing the stocks. He injects just enough humor to keep you wanting to read more! This is a GREAT read!!!
You write very well and this is a really good story! I haven't finished it yet, but I'm enjoying it very much. Thanks for sharing!
Jenny McCarthy 2008-07-27 12:04:
You write well! Author Steve Weinstein 2008-07-27 11:37:07
Exciting behind the scenes of the dark and dangerous world of stripping very few people know about regarding this type of lifestyle.
Julie Noel 2008-07-27 12:40:07
In the sex scenes, I always feel that when reading this genre (which is my favorite) it is best to make the reader feel more than what is obvious, make it have that extra kick. The story is written to give a great sense of who the characters are and brings more into view of their lives even though the setting is events within a short time. Good piece of work, I enjoyed the story line…... love the Prologue can't wait to finish the read Jillian Dove 2008-08-07 06:11:08
GREAT First line…A++ 5-star all the way
Jillian Dove 2008-09-10 18:55:09
You write very well and your story is compelling and realistic, keep up the good work.
Christopher Olander Author, President and CEO Novelmaker.com
By J. Darroll Hall
-FICTION-
THE LOLLIPOP BOOK ONE
THE LOLLIPOP BOOK TWO
THE LOLLIPOP STRIPCLUB COMPLETE
*“Candy for the sex addict”
NUMBER #19 Best Seller “Amazon” 07/26/2009 (horror/erotic)
KOKOMO FANTASY GIRLS: THE REAL DEAL
AKA (also known as) ‘BAMBI’ SERIES:
BOOK 1: “WELCOME TO MURDERLAND”
BOOK 2: “DYING TO STRIP”
BOOK 3: “DANCING TOWARD DEATH
-NON-FICTION SELF HELP-
FINANCIAL SERIES: WEALTH BUILDING 101
*BOOK ONE: DOUBLE DOWN BOUNCE:
“How to make huge profits in a volatile stock market!”*
(#1 bestseller Warren Buffett’s “intelligent investor’s club” booksite)**
-HUMOR/SATIRE-
OCTOMOM! AMERICA’S BITCH:
“Why is she Americas most clever (and hated) Bitch?”
FICTION: ROMANCE, ACTION, ADVENTURE, MYSTERY, THRILLER
THE CANDYLAND STRIPCLUB
ONE HOUR IN BED
The erotic adventures of AJ Halland series
BLACK/LIGHT
AIRGLIDE
ORIENT INFURNO
PYRAMIDS AFIRE
DESERT ATOMICS
HITLER’S FURY
STONEHINGE
MARS IMPLOSION
QUEST FOR PEACE
A family saga/epic non-fiction
THE APPALACHIAN PASSAGES
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